Vinegar.

Sigh.
This is the most treacherous season. Of my life I feel like.
It's like...the wound was starting to heal, slowly but surely, but then all of a sudden someone decided to throw a douse of vinegar on it, along with some nail polish remover. Then, they spit on it to top it off.
I know this probably doesn't make any sense to you...but, I'll just say that I was hurt. And I practically did it to myself.
And I've tried to fix things...so many times. Too many times in fact. Did you know doing that can make things worse?
I'm a "peacemaker". I can't help but want people to have peace and have things resolved. So when I create a problem,
all I want is that problem to be erased, and have that person forgive me, or at least try and let go of the bitterness.
But that's not always possible. Or even tangible.
THis time, it feels as if it's behind the moon in terms of "being accessible".
I keep telling myself, "God is here. He's in control. He'll work things out for good."
And quite honestly, I can't see that. Any of it right now...
I hate this situation, everything about it.
I hate that it's taken this long to recover from, (which its not yet) and I hate that I can't see any good from it.
People tell me, time heals, time heals.
I just wish time would come sooner, and faster. More like antibiotics and a bandaid instead of tiny swabs of a cotton ball that stings.
God is all I need. He is my all and all. He is my reason for life. His love is sufficient, and He cares for my pain.
OKay. I'm done venting now.
just need to write it out sometimes.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love."

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world”

“Though our feelings come and go, God’s love for us does not"

-C.S. Lewis